It’s that strange feeling in your brain. It makes your brain feel a little numb, almost like you are wearing a strange hat, or a hat that is too tight. It can cause you to feel confused. It can cause you to want to close your eyes, in the hopes it will go away.
Sometimes it feels like it could be in your chest. It makes you wonder if there is something wrong with your heart. You check your pulse. It makes you wonder if there is something wrong with your lungs. You take deep soothing breaths, in….out….in….out. You may even go to the doctor or emergency room because you just can’t breath.
There are days it keeps you from being spontaneous. There are days it keeps you from planning. It will ease up to allow you to do some things, while lowering it’s veil to prevent you from doing others. The veil it lowers can cause you to sit in a chair, or lie in bed for an entire day. There is nothing else you’d rather do.
It has a way of misguiding your thoughts. You have doubts about positive interactions. You have issues trusting those that you should trust the most. You find it easier to believe the negative things that you tell yourself. Who knows you better than you? You must be right.
You wonder at times what it would be like if it didn’t have a place inside you. You wonder if it will ever just leave. You wonder if you will even recognize yourself when it is gone. What are you without it?
You can change this. You don’t have to let it win. Fight it when it is in your brain, when you have that fuzzy feeling. Stop, tell yourself it is just a feeling. Sit in an office chair or any chair that spins. Spin around until you know you will be a little dizzy. Stop. How does your head feel? It’s the same feeling, only this time you put it there. You know how to stop it. IT didn’t put it there, you did. So when IT does it, remember YOU can make it stop.
When you have pain in your body, you need to breath. You need to focus on that pain and just breath. You will find the pain will subside or even move. Proving once again, you are in control of how you feel.
Do you try to plan things for yourself? Do you end of cancelling or postponing these plans? Try to do less planning, just do it when it feels right for you. If spontaneity is an issue for you, do the opposite, plan. Either way, find a way to stop it from taking over your life. Have safe places, and safe people. These are the places that you can get to with no issues. These are the people that know you and you know them.
When your thinking is challenged, make every effort to combat it with positive reinforcement. Gratitude lists allow you to find the positive in your day. Use dry erase markers and leave yourself messages on your mirror for the morning. Find as many positive quotes as you can. The internet is full of them. Print them and make a collage. Learn calligraphy and make yourself little posters with these sayings. Post them where they will have the most beneficial impact on you. Whatever method you choose, put the positive words in front of you.
These are not simple changes, I know this. These are the some of the things I struggle with and some of the ways I try to manage. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t. The point is to try. And keep trying. Things that didn’t work a month ago may work now. Have your tool bag of things that help you manage! Recognize in yourself when the tool bag needs to come out. Even if only for a day.
Take charge of your illness and your methods of coping and recovery. Don’t let medication and therapy be the only tools. Know what YOU need to do, to help YOU!