In my never ending pursuit of knowledge I found an article that spoke of the importance of knowing how you see yourself. How do I see myself? In my mind’s eye I see a mirror. With trepidation I step up to it and peer at the reflection with the hope of seeing who I am. To my surprise, there isn’t a banner waving over my head with proclamations of who this being is. Hmmmm…..isn’t this interesting? I’m 46 years old. How is it I have come to not know this person looking back at me?
I have come to believe a significant contributor to thwarting the creation of my personal description has simply been my desire to be “great”. In order to be “great” you must first determine exactly what it is you are great at. What can you do, or say, in order to be seen as great? For many years, I try and try to find the thing that can successfully allow me to be great. I now realize the error in my thinking has been the actual “thinking” about what can make me “great”. I have not only been telling myself I am absolutely no good at anything, I stopped being good or even mediocre at the basics. While I stare at the reflection of myself, I am unable to say, “There you are!” Instead, I stare in awe and think, “Huh! Where did I go?”
This so-called hunt for greatness and then significant lack of permission to accept mediocrity has left me empty. Well, this needs some serious fixing. A repair I assume can only be performed by an experienced professional. I make an entry on my to do list of – ask about who I am; and I dismiss this opportunity (aka problem) from my mind. My subconscious mind, however, worked away to determine an answer. An answer that suddenly appeared to me and in it’s simplicity lead me to believe that this was in fact what I should have been striving for all along.
I need to be, and I say to be without the word great. I need to be Me. I need to be exactly who I am. Who am I?
* I am a mom! I will be mom. I will be the organizer of schedules. I will praise their accomplishments, love them unconditionally, coach them through the lessons of life as they encounter them. I will be the one to set a positive example, be honest and teach them trust. I will be the one to maintain the home they live in and keep them healthy. I will embrace this part of me and be confident in my ability to execute and be proud of each moment.
* I am an employee! While I desire to be perfect, I will strive to be me. I will learn my role to its fullest. I will ask questions to gain the knowledge required to succeed. I will be confident in executing each task I am familiar with and not fear the unknown.
* I am me! I enjoy researching. I will keep doing that. Not when I’m needed in my other roles of mom or employee. I perform my research on my time. I will read, I will make notes, I will even share some of what I learn when I think others should know about. I will make sure I schedule time for me. Time for me to do what I love. I will continue to grow the list of things I love to do.
To me, these are the basics. They are what I need to do as part of my existence. I am a mom, as I have children. I am an employee, as I am not a self-made millionaire, yet. And wrapped up in those and even on its own I am me. What more could I have been striving for when dedication to these three things can leave me very fulfilled and satisfied? Acknowledging that these three things are my basics and working towards performing each one better already allows me to see the reflection that is wanting so desperately to proudly peer back at me and say, “Here I am!”